Get Babies & other hazards of sex : how to make a tiny person in PDF

By Dave Barry

In this vintage crack-up of a publication, Dave Barry offers his wacky viewpoint on intercourse, childbirth, parenting and different kinds of gradual, merciless torture.

In Babies and different dangers of Sex, Dave exposes ordinary childbirth for what it truly is: a pop phenomenon of the Sixties that, besides paisley bell-bottoms and artistic sideburns, merits a relaxation. He examines the recent federal legislations requiring potential fathers to unfastened themselves from their self-made macho prisons--to giggle, cry, love and simply as a rule behave like qualified wimps.

Dave additionally finds, for the 1st time in print, the key chant for painless childbirth.

Then research why no mystery chant may be able to take a woman's brain off the truth that she is in such soreness that she wishes a big comet to crash into the earth and kill her and her husband and the dotor and the nurses and everybody else within the world.

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Extra resources for Babies & other hazards of sex : how to make a tiny person in only 9 months, with tools you probably have around the home

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He saw a dump truck. ME: And they all lived happily ever after. Now go to sleep. ROBERT: Why? Epilogue: Should You Have Another? Well! So here we are! We’ve taken your baby from a little gourd-like object with virtually no marketable skills to a real little human being, capable of putting the cat in the dryer and turning it on all by himself or herself. Sure, it’s been a lot of work for you. Sure, you would have liked to have had a few more quiet evenings alone, just the two of you sipping wine and talking instead of sitting in the hospital X-ray department, waiting to find out whether your child had, in fact, swallowed the bullets that it snatched out of the belt of the policeman who was writing a traffic ticket because you smashed into the furniture store when your child threw your glasses out the car window.

He was driving. ME: Okay, he was driving along, and he saw ... ROBERT: In a Jeep. ME: He was driving along in a Jeep, and he saw a little toad. ROBERT: No. He saw a dump truck. ME: And they all lived happily ever after. Now go to sleep. ROBERT: Why? Epilogue: Should You Have Another? Well! So here we are! We’ve taken your baby from a little gourd-like object with virtually no marketable skills to a real little human being, capable of putting the cat in the dryer and turning it on all by himself or herself.

On the other hand, all the child will do in college is listen to loud music and get ready for dates, so you don’t have to be all that careful about choosing the preschool program. Just kick the little chairs a few times to make sure they’re sturdy, and say a few words to the staff to let them know you’re a Concerned Parent (“Anything happens to my kid, I come in here and break some thumbs. ”). Also, make sure the preschool doesn’t have any guinea pigs. I don’t know why, but somewhere along the line, preschool educators picked up the insane notion that guinea pigs are educational, when in fact all they do is poop these little pellets that look exactly like the pellets you give them to eat.

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