By Richard Lederer
Get Thee to a Punnery proves that the pun is mightier than the sword . . . and listed here are sidesplitting puns of each colour, stripe and persuasion to fit each whim. whether you don't comprehend that your humerus is your humorous bone, this is often the booklet for you.
The Time of the symptoms:
On a diaper carrier truck: Rock a dry baby.
On a plumber's carrier truck: A flush is healthier than a whole house.
exhibit me the place Stalin is buried and I'll express you a communist plot! -Edgar Bergen
Quiche me-I'm French!
Hangover-the wrath of grapes
paintings is the break of the ingesting periods. -Oscar Wilde
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Extra resources for Get Thee to a Punnery: An Anthology of Intentional Assaults Upon the English Language
His cousin is a wealthy businessman. "Well, my advice to you is the same as I gave my daughter, Marlene, when she asked me what she should wear on her wedding night – a long bri-nylon nightie or a short skimpy baby-doll nightie. It doesn't matter what you wear. " * A man and woman walked into a bank with a large sack of coins. " asks the bankteller. "No," came the reply. " * "It's no good, sir," said the DSS man to his interviewee. " * A rich couple lost all their money, and were trying to think of ways to restore their fortunes.
John, your dad's not very good at these things, so I wonder if you'd tell your brother about the birds and the bees," asked Mum. " "Sure, we went down the Palais, picked up a couple of birds, had a dance, then took them round the back of the bus station for a good 'one two'. " * Poor old Sammy. He was a Caesarean baby and even now, 20 years later, he still goes out of the house through the skylight. * Two husbands are in hospital anxiously waiting for their wives to give birth. " she asked. " * The young couple have been married for six months and one day when they are in bed, he asks her if she is happy.
The family allowance cheque. * Flo's husband dies and because he was such a popular fella, she decides to put an announcement in the paper. But not having a lot of money, she tells the local newspaper she wants to keep it as short as possible. " "Actually, Madam, you can have up to six words for the same price. " * A jackpot winner on the lottery was asked what he was going to do with his new-found wealth. " * "He'll be alright soon," said the doctor, putting the patient into the recovery position.