New PDF release: Great Lies to Tell Small Kids

By Andy Riley

At the heels of his runaway Bunny Suicides books, cartoonist Andy Riley turns his irreverent wit to a different team of small creatures that lurk between us doubtless in all places: young ones.
From the benign (every ant you meet has to be named) to the actually merciless (Ronald McDonald is dead!), each one hilarious sketch has a tall story to teach young ones and entertain depraved adults far and wide.

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Sample text

His cousin is a wealthy businessman. "Well, my advice to you is the same as I gave my daughter, Marlene, when she asked me what she should wear on her wedding night – a long bri-nylon nightie or a short skimpy baby-doll nightie. It doesn't matter what you wear. " * A man and woman walked into a bank with a large sack of coins. " asks the bankteller. "No," came the reply. " * "It's no good, sir," said the DSS man to his interviewee. " * A rich couple lost all their money, and were trying to think of ways to restore their fortunes.

John, your dad's not very good at these things, so I wonder if you'd tell your brother about the birds and the bees," asked Mum. " "Sure, we went down the Palais, picked up a couple of birds, had a dance, then took them round the back of the bus station for a good 'one two'. " * Poor old Sammy. He was a Caesarean baby and even now, 20 years later, he still goes out of the house through the skylight. * Two husbands are in hospital anxiously waiting for their wives to give birth. " she asked. " * The young couple have been married for six months and one day when they are in bed, he asks her if she is happy.

The family allowance cheque. * Flo's husband dies and because he was such a popular fella, she decides to put an announcement in the paper. But not having a lot of money, she tells the local newspaper she wants to keep it as short as possible. " "Actually, Madam, you can have up to six words for the same price. " * A jackpot winner on the lottery was asked what he was going to do with his new-found wealth. " * "He'll be alright soon," said the doctor, putting the patient into the recovery position.

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